May 20, 2025
Jen and I were out on a walk recently — one of my favorite parts of every day - talking about life and the conversation drifted to a season we hadn’t talked about in a while. It was years ago, back in California. Different house, different job, different life.
I was at the top of my game in banking – at least on the outside. On paper, everything looked great. One night, I sat in the family room and said something that startled her — and in hindsight, revealed more than I realized at the time: “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
She told me later how much that scared her. And I get it now. I wasn’t falling apart externally. But something inside me was fracturing. I had reached a peak and found no peace at the top. It wasn’t burnout exactly. It was something deeper. I felt for the first time in my life I didn’t want to continue. I had built something that looked strong— but I hadn’t built it with Jesus.
It wasn’t rebellion. It was self-reliance. Pride. And it was slowly wearing me down.
Fast forward to now. Different house. Different season. Different mission. And Jen said something during that conversation I’ll never forget: “You’re doing more now than you ever did then. But back then, you were doing it in your own strength. Now, you’re doing it with Jesus first.” I needed to hear that.
I’ve been learning — slowly, imperfectly — to put Jesus first. To let Him lead, not just support. And the difference isn’t just in how I feel. It’s in what I’m being protected from.
Paul says that when we bring everything to God — through prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving — the result isn’t just peace. It’s protection. That peace guards your heart and your mind. And I believe that with everything in me.
Because I’ve seen the alternative: when I don’t stay close to Him, my heart gets distracted, and my mind starts believing lies. The kind the world sells. The kind the enemy whispers. Lies about worth, success, pressure, control.
When I go to Him — in honest prayer, in specific need, and with real gratitude — something changes. Not just emotionally. Spiritually. My heart gets guarded. My mind gets clear. And I can move forward without carrying everything myself.
“By prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving…”
Here’s how I’m learning to live that out:
And I’ll say this too — I don’t walk this path alone. Jen’s faith, her strength, her quiet presence… they’ve been a steady gift. Scripture says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” That’s been deeply true for me.
This peace isn’t passive. It’s not a personality trait. It’s the result of bringing everything to Him.
And when we do, He doesn’t just answer. He guards our hearts and minds.